"After Eleven" Chapter 02-00

Sisters and brothers in pain….

In This chapter, we will enter what I call the "toilet" zone.

Not form the gate of the grate Sir Alfred Hitchcock, but from my own stinky gate.

So, don't be surprised when a crack in the ice, Appears under your feet.


To be continued,,,

This blog, is subject to more and more changes……. In the near future.

( This was written in Aug 11, 2007 )

Dear all,
After a long hide and hesitation, I've decided to continuo my story.

I was frightened to reveal things, things that I was ashamed of. Since some of my friends knew my real Identity, I wanted to stop or change my user name. Then I thought what friends are for? If they do not share my sorrows and keep my secrets?

Ahmad,

March 30, 2008

ps. for the support I encountered by someone like my new friend Reem, I'll make sure I continue blogging.

23 May 2008

For You Reem. And other Friends, I'm going back, and hope You will like it. Nov, 2008

I'll see you all on Chapter 02-00 Extd.

In Nov, 2008

Ahmad.

Childhood Chapter 01-10

Dear Viewers,

We arrive to the end of "Childhood Chapter 01" Which has 11 Blogs.

(After Eleven) is where I start a different age and experiences.

Please forgive me if I was too fast or too short...( this is how my sex life is lately).

My Story is too long, and has so many details. As 47 years have passed by, I (by nature), forget things that are bad and sad to me. I discovered in the last 10 Chapters, that only the good things have been mentioned . In addition, I do not have the time to tell it all in every day-to-day details. I am trying to brief you, of the important details that made my personality this hurt, sensitive and complicated.

Please adopt my scenery, and try to understand the environment where it had happened.

I expect no "benefit" or "fame" by revealing my own secrets and sorrows.


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Let us get back to "my Disneyland" The last paradise on Earth"


(The thin Ice).

Pink Floyd Song … 1979,,,,,

If you should go skating
On the thin Ice of modern life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach
Of a million tear stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice
Appears under your feet.
You slip out of your depth and out of your mind
With your fear flowing out behind you
As you claw the thin ice


Things that look small and easy to your baby vision, are not real.

"Live longer, see stranger." What I mean here is Live longer and you will see something odder.
______________________________________________________________
Being between the ages of Nine to Thirteen, which I call the most f *****g, beautiful age.

Beautiful Nineteen years old girls molest you. And abuse your spontaneity.

I would love to do it again. If I could? Nevertheless, it is now, HARAM, and prohibited.

And there are somewhat called "Guns, Alcohols and Tobacco Police" or "Hay'aah" to punish you around, for doing Sex, Alcohol or Tobacco.

We are being abused by every Asshole in the country.
Teachers, doctors, uncles, parents, neighbors, friends, brothers, the police and the course treat of the governments.

Childhood Chapter 01-09

My Disneyland

Because of our proximate ages and relationships with other kids and teens in our weekly festival, using a very big play space, we did not spare a moment of excitement or a "run around in groups."

Given all that number of mixed boys and girls in a simple backyard is enough by it's self, but yet to come more fun and challenge.

Our neighbor's kids were there too.

I remember "Asma" a female flower from the neighborhood's garden.
She was the lotus of my dreams. She was my age and height too. Her face color would turn pink and she would bumble and trip every time we had an eye-to-eye contact.

That is how she felt, but what were my feelings…!

Have you ever been in love? I mean first love.

I felt things, things I could not understand nor explain. First, you do not feel your legs; I felt the air was currying me above the sidewalk towards her beautifully staring eyes.

Then, your heartbeat changes its melody.
Every time and every weekend, when I see her coming towards me, I lose the normal heartbeat and feel like a small pin break enroots its way into my little loving heart. I feel as if I am in an airplane that was descending fast with very high speed. I panic, and loose control of words.
I put this in the present tense on purpose because, I see that right now.

I remember when we ever meat, I say "Asma?" and she would reply "Ahmad?" then we hold hands and speak in the same time things we do not mean nor remember.
The very important moment was to spend more time staring into each other. Moreover, enjoy the feeling of flying above the clouds.

Our relationship did not last long. One of the reasons is her age, where the parents always hide their daughters after they reach the age of twelve to fourteen.

Therefore, if you do not strike early, you lose the girl forever. Well, I did strike good but lost. How stupid of me.

Speaking of stupidity, I forgot to reveal the other reason. Saudi society is a complication of various classes.

In addition to the Saudi native's deferent classes, we have the so-called not native origin. Those people who inhabited this country within hundred years ago. Where they are being called names and numbers, just to differentiate between their classes.

I should mention this subject in a deferent blog.

We have a very saying in the thirteen worlds here "you get older, you get over it."

That includes if you get hurt, failed, rubbed, robbed, raped, or taking advantage of, by whatsoever, a schoolmaster, a father, a dentist, or a minister. YOU WILL GET OVER IT. You stupid you!

Anyway,

My own Disneyland.

I spent some good times with other related girls that I had fun with, from the start to the finish.

Beside the Innocent play with same aged girls, we used to play what we used to call, "tonguing." Which means (licking each other's tongue and taste the juice)? We used to do something else. Something called "stomaching." Where I place my naked stomach on top of hers, for a while and feel something we did not believe or encounter or understand...

I'm talking about two babies touching naked stomachs, NO more. (this started since I was eight till eleven).

When my father discovered one of my early versions of nobles, he threatened me of GOD. Lecturing what God would do to me. He said, "If you do not stop now what ever you are doing"," God will use a knife to tear your stomach apart."
I am sorry, sorry, sorry. I did not mean any harm, nor wanted to cause kayos.

Had I stopped all activities? I could not remember…
I remember this. When I became 17, my second true love named Asma too.

Childhood Chapter 01-08

The biggest challenge was…

When we arrive every Thursday afternoon to my Grandfather's big house, we arrive to a big live festival; which goes on for 30 hours.

Let me explain, first my grand father was marred to two wives, having nine daughters and five sons from the ages of 5 to 19.

Therefore, it is exciting to meat all these people and play all kinds of games, the honest ones, and the dirty ones too.

Second, my grandfather's place is a combination of two houses in one big fenced yard consisted of grass, small swimming pool and lots of trees and palm trees. High surrounding walls imprisoned all this beauty.

By the way, palm tree is the national logo of Saudi Arabia. Moreover, those walls are getting taller and uglier.

Check http://margraves.blogspot.com/

Beside all that, our neighbors were very social and allowed us to play with their girls too.

All the friends I still have until now are from that time and area.
…………………………………………………………………………………………
My Grandfather

He was a mountain of hospitality, generosity, wisdom, courage, toughness and a man of word.

He had a gigantic cloud of esteemed reputation and dignity.

Every Friday, after Friday's prayer he would invite people he does not know, to share his lunch with them.

He would simply grab someone's hand and tells him "you know what? There is a lunch invitation by one of the neighbors that we are going to.

Just accompany us.

" Most of those men are workers and foreign residents, who would go after that Friday's prayer to eat their lunches in some restaurants .

In addition, he wanted to give them a free lunch without embarrassing them.

................................................................................................................

He used to walk very long distant every day without asking others to give him a ride. Even when his oldest son (my father) had a car, he would not bother asking him for any help.

Although my father is the oldest son, he (my grandfather) had gotten marred several times after my father's mom passed away "he had seven wives including my father's mom, and other sons and daughters. But he never kept more then one wife, except the last two wives at the same time." My father said. "Some of them died before they had children, some of them had children but they and their children died after several epidemics. Like smallpox, tuberculosis, pestilence and measles.

There was also a divorce.

He ones divorced his wife just because she sent him a letter telling him to quit his job and get back to her, after 3 months of hard journey looking for a source of income.

Like me, he does not like to be told what to do.

He was dedicated to Society, Islam, and his family.
I mean it by sorting.

This is a moment of truth but,,,

I will get back to my Disneyland. On my next blog.

Childhood Chapter 01-07

There was only one channel of shit on the T.V. to choose from.

Even though, we had only one channel to watch.

T.V. was not the biggest entertainment for us.

when we were between the ages of 10 to 14. ( 1970-1974 ).
We used to wait and count the minuets till the weekend arrives. It was like Christmas to all of us. Imagine a weekly Christmas.

Since my father smoked heavily (Abu Bess) Graven-A type of Cigarettes. While his father was heavily believer. We had to live far away from my grandfather's big house. Just to hide my father's love to smoking and playing cards with his friends.

This was strictly prohibited by older generation. It was like gambling and smoking Hash, nowadays.

When his friends used to visit us, my mom was making lots of Tea. Lots of it.

It looked to me like a huge tea party, going on every night from 7 PM until 12 AM.

I cannot forget the amount of shouts, screams and bad words they used to exchange. Sometimes my father tried to come me down, by saying things I could not understand at that time.

However, I assume he meant; " Son, we are friends. And this is just our way of claiming victories"

Those victories were keeping my father away from his dad and from us.

The national weekend was Friday only.

It has been almost six days since we were awaiting our little Christmas, get together. Finally it's Thursday. Therefore, my father rents a cab for two Saudi riyals (USD 0.57). Usually you pay SAR 0.50 to travel alone same distance riding with other passengers you do not know.

I remember reading the signs of establishments and companies; we pass by on the streets to my grandfather's big house.
I remember my father correcting my pronunciation or spellings, when I announce wrong company's name.

That was a joy for me because every time my father is correcting me, he was actually tilling me how much left of the road to Disneyland.

We usually arrive after noon (that is 12:30 pm) by the time our Godfather. Grandfather finishes his (Dhohor Prayer). The prayer number 2. at noon.

Once we finish kissing and hugging, we get together on one big lunch, full of meat and rice. Which we miss for the whole week.

My father admitted once, that his week was scheduled as to have vegetables, chicken, plain rice, and the last 2 days should be (meat or fish, at his father's. dinner) House.

Well my Grandfather helped too.

Food was not the biggest thing, to me and my sis who is two years younger then me.

the biggest challenge was?

Childhood Chapter 01-06

I for sure was a knotty child.
Since my early walking contest, my aunts started hiding any door's key or key chains from the reach of my little hand. (They used to call out "the little thief has arrived and will soon start his hobby by collecting all our keys").

As I mentioned earlier, I had a very bad injury in my knee, which needed a big surgery.

That when I accidentally fallen down from the stairs while currying a few summer hot Cola bottles with my bear little hands. Mid July or August 1964 in Kuwait. The steamed cola bottles were almost boiling when they hit the ground and exploded beneath my little 4 years old short legs.

I definitely cannot remember any of that or any other stories at that time, unless someone tells the story to me later.
So please wait tell you read my entire story. It is all about Remembering and told bits.

I remember, at six or seven my uncle who came to visit us from Kuwait, with a big gift. It was a black & White T.V.

As we attached the electrical wire and antenna, we started seeing the first programs of our newly opened T.V station. (The Saudi Television broad casted from the capital city Riyadh).

There was only one channel of shit on the T.V. to choose from.

In 1966 or 1967).

I cannot deny that those days were the best of my life.

Childhood Chapter 01-05

Horse shit ?!

Is it or is it?


Horse Shit Is my story from 4th Grade until Now.




I've got a little black book with my poems in
I've got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in
When I'm good dog, they sometimes throw me a bone in
I've got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues
Got thirteen channels of shit on the T.V to choose from
I've got electric light
And I've got second sight
I've got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home
I've got the obligatory Hendrix perm
And the inevitable pinhole burns
I've got a silver spoon on a chain
I've got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains
I've got wild staring eyes
I've got a strong urge to fly
But I've got nowhere to fly to
Ooooh babe, when I pick up the phones,,,
There's still nobody home
I've got a pair of gohill's boots
And I've got fading roots.

Pink Floyd

Childhood Chapter 01-04

Only two would know, God and the devil.

Speaking of the Devil,

I really cannot digest the devil's Involvement in every "evil thing".
Is it because, we've run out of answers?! Or what?!

Why the kids are called little devils?!

Why my ex- wife's mobile number, in my contact list; Is named The devil?. Instead of her real name!.

Why we call Bush Jr. The Devil?, while we call Bin Laden a mother f****r?.
Aren't they both mother f*****s?!.

Any way this is too soon for a 10 Years old boy's point of a view.

Let us be our ages. Go back and think like a 10 years old kiddo.

Where … you find...

A 40 years old Psychopathic fat woman, with one good eye; taking advantage of you?! (that's something).

Touching you, feeling your secret hidings and personal understandings.

Imagine she and her husband were abusing your innocents, individually.

I really couldn't understand at that age if they were interested in my front yard or back yard?!

She thought, I was a man enough; to make her happier; while her husband is away.

In the same time he thought, I might be a better substitute while his wife is visiting my mother.

...Horse shit

Childhood Chapter 01-03

I thought, maybe the new school is better.

I did not like the Idea of elaborating on father-son Issues. Where it is very common here, to have such a relation.

(You and what you own, are the possession of your Father).

Hitting, screaming and spiting should be acceptable if the source is your parents.

Well, that was OK with us (my sister and I).

Especially when we see our grand father's relationship with his sons and daughters.

Do not forget the neighbors.

However, to use this method by public schools and call it trade marks of each and every teacher in the city, that was quite an experience.

Imagine A Palestinian teacher calls his beating wooden stick "the magic stick".

And he would use it whenever the children got scared and forgot the answer in the (Arabic Language lessens). (4Th Grade second time/year)

Another Lebanese teacher's trademark is the Golden Ring.
He makes sure, that you have it on your cheek, after he slaps your face with his big right hand. Just because (8x9) = (71), not 72 . (4Th Grade First time/year).

Well, we learned something. The teacher, was engaged. (In Arabian culture they put the ring on the right hand when are engaged, and they should switch it to the left hand once they loose their virginity). That is weird?!!

We've learned, from the first grade "Right is good and Left is bad".

"When you use your right hand to eat, you eat alone. But when you (stupid you) use your left hand, THE DEVIL WILL EAT WITH YOU". Goddamn. It.

O.K.

If,
I use my mobile with my left hand, dose that mean THE DEVIL is listening to me or is sharing the coast.

Only two would know God and the devil.

Childhood Chapter 01-02

Have we or haven't we all passed this shit.

(7-12 years old),

I went to school.

At that time In our City "Riyadh".
We had no basic teaching methods or roll.
No end, or start. No mid-term and finals.
All you have to do is Memorize everything and wake up early.
At the end of the year the whole country / families would go to exams.
...
I went to a privet school for 4 years.
From preschool up to third grade.

Usually in privet schools : you get shouted and screamed at, only; by bunch of psychopathic female teachers.

Oh I forgot to mention that we used to go to the same class room with the young princesses (girls, not royal families). There was no Discrimination or separation between girls and boys, at least until the age of 9 year. Then they got separated from the start of the fourth grade.

Nowadays, from the age of 6 they are Terned apart. What a f.....g life?!!

At the age of nine, just after finishing the 3rd grade, I remember my poor father saying to my mom:
"I'm not putting them both in the same school. I can not afford it.
I'm removing Ahmad from luxury life to a public school and placing his sister in his school until God speaks something else." .

I totally agreed with him especially after I came to know how (female teachers are). Who by the way were not Saudis (mixed, Lebanese Palestinians, Egyptians and Jordanians).

No matter how much he (my father) gets so angry and beats the hell out of me, with the water hose, electrical wires, and solid widen tubes, I still believe in his decisions.

I thought maybe the new school is better.

Childhood Chapter 01-01

And what a sister....


I got a very big scar in my knee. ??

My mom told me later "that It had happened, because I was being so knotty at that age, I injured my self with a broken 6 pack of Cola bottles, I was currying on my may down stares" .

I don't really know nor understand.


Anyway...

4 more years and I have become A man (6 years old)

and gone to Kindergarten (University)

When we grew up and went to school
There were certain teachers who would
Hurt the children anyway they could
By pouring their derision
Upon anything we did
And exposing any weakness
However carefully hidden by the kids
But in town, it was well known
When they got home at night.
Their fat and psychopathic wives would trash them
Within Inches of their Lives.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave the kids alone
Hay teachers leave us kids alone
All in All it was just another brick in the wall
All in All it was just another brick in the wall.

Pink Floyd

Have we or haven't we all passd this shit .

Childhood Chapter 01-0

Date Is 17 July, 2007

Hi, My name is Ahmad, and Definitely NOT Ahmed.

I was born In Kuwait in 1960 . Which means I'm old.

I hoped and wanted to share my story with you, without looking after any gold mining ,(profit) or fame.

All I need, is to speak it out and put it behind me. However, I should worn you that it might be a shuck to all of you.

Although I mean no harm or downgrade to my society, the truth has to be availed.

I might add, what the hick. What have I got to loose???


21 Feb +/- ,1960

While my mom was visiting her family In Kuwait, my father was expecting the news any minute, or should I say any month. But who cares, ( Not me for sure)

He worked very hard in the military as a guardian soldier In Makkah, and his job was to keep every one in line. Until his or her turn to be somewhere in side the HIRAM.

Where they can Kiss, Hug. Not each other no, only some holly spots in that place. Where they can speak laud of their faith, to the HOLLY GOD.

I really can't tell you any news from that Era, because I would be lying wouldn't I ?

At that time, my age was almost 2 years old, (1962) . Two years have passed , and again I went back to Kuwait for another visit but this one was not meant for me.

Can't remember what had happened, but I came to know later that I had a new sister.

And what a sister.....